As usual there is nothing going on with my life. It's just work, Running Man, and sleep. But I do have something that I wana share.
This week is the Holy Week in Christian's calendar, which is the week before Easter. I didn't really take it seriously until today, when it suddenly came to me that I've been living in bliss and blessings.
Because I have all the people I've ever cared about around me. And I thank God for that.
I dunno what's wrong with me but I've always been the kind of person who yearns for good relationship with people whom I care about (maybe that's why I'm socially awkward when it comes to socializing, because I simply didn't care about them LOL #self-discovery). When things go wrong in a relationship, I'd feel as if the world is crumbling down around me. Seriously it really does make me feel that way.
And then I told myself I must grow up and grow out of this. I can't be expecting mutual love from everybody I care about because we are all different individuals with differences (and that person might not want my affection anyway lololol). Might as well just give up trying so hard just to keep a relationship real and genuine.
But then I asked myself, why should I give up the ability to love for a person who doesn't appreciate love? Love itself is beautiful and not wrong.
So instead of not trying, I try even harder by not trying too hard HAHAHA confusing anot! I wouldn't say I am doing a great job, but I'm working on it, and it's been going great.
For example, I didn't know my best friend whom I've known for 11 years dislike loh mai fan (translation: glutinous rice) and went ahead and bought her that as breakfast. She gave it away to someone else wtf and told me she would have eaten if it is apam balik (do not hesitate to google this yourself wtf). Normally the tried-too-hard me will emo for a long time wondering why can't she just accept my offer. But the new and improved me (cheh wahh) sulked for 5 seconds (literally) and moved on happily knowing a new thing about her.
If there is no love, I would have thought that she is a person who is lack of social grace (chinese: 不会做人) and rejected her in my heart. Or if I try to hard, I would be upset that she doesn't accept what I did for her and end up having thorn in my heart.
All these are possible because of God. God himself is love, and He loves me so much that I am also able to love. Nothing is perfect and smooth in life but through these rough patches and difficult times, God made sure I can grow and learn, to love a little more and unconditionally.
Without me realizing, I have all these people whom I cared so much giving me so much blessings and love.
Honestly, I'm so blessed.
Thank you God, for giving me the ability to love, and actually believe in love.
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